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Think of it as Gmail for strangers: the communication on the site is about two people getting to know each other; the romance comes much later,offline.

Outside researchers rarely get to work with private messages like this — it’s the most sensitive content users generate and even anonymized and aggregated, message data is rarely allowed out of the holiest of holies in the database.

And in terms of effect, it seems readers have adapted.

The best messages, the ones that get the highest response rate, are now only 40 to 60 characters By considering only messages of a certain length, and then asking how many seconds the message took to compose, we can get a sense of how much revision and effort translates into better results.

email responses online dating-24

You may not be interested, but you can’t just pretend that the person isn’t standing there talking to you. So we have developed all manner of ways of saying no thanks, in what is hopefully the kindest way possible. And a couple times, women I have written to actually have replied with nice no thank you messages. And – here’s the odd part – a little uncomfortable.

Busy week, other things to focus on – sometimes I forget I sent a note at all.

But when she writes back, when she makes eye contact, then the rejection becomes personal and I have to think about it.

I also remember sending notes to women I found interesting and getting absolutely no reply at all. I may not even notice that whomever she was didn’t reply.

These women find something potentially valuable about me, and many of them clearly work as hard on their approach messages as I do on mine, trying to appeal to something in my profile that struck them, working to connect the dots and sell me on the idea that they’re really worth my while.

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